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Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Love And Theft--And I Don't Mean the Band

Dear readers,

Have you ever had something go so right, only to have someone come along and crush it. And I mean smash it to pieces. Like slamming a glass vase on the ground. Well, the other day I was watching Hairspray and What A Girl Wants (gotta love Amanda Bynes) and I realized that love won't just come to you. Nothing in life will. Unless you communicate or try to impress the person. Take Tracy Turnbladd for example, she danced her way into Link's heart AND integrated television. And Daphne, she did not give in to the pressure of royalty and stayed down to earth and fell in love with a musician. But there is always someone who likes to come along and ruin your life. I guess you could call them the villian. The one with motives, whether evil or not, that ruin things. Things I spent a month of my life working for. So easily crushing it. Well, people cannot do things like that. So payback, it's important.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Apparently I Enjoy Looking Sick

First of all, I would like to say that words with multiple meanings confuse me so much. So, to make this easier on you, I will clarify: in this post, sick is used to mean ill, not awesome.
I wear headbands all the time. My favorite kind are super thick headbands. I think they're trendy and are a great fix on bad hair days. Because they make life so much easier, they are, according to my friends, my signature look.

While most of my girl friends understand them,my guy friends don't. One of them asked me if I wore them because I was sick. "Yes, I know I'm cool. So I guess my headband proves it," I said. But he meant sick as in ill. Which I am not. So I was offended. I guess some people don't understand simplicity.
The moral of this story(I swear it has one, or so I'd like to think it does) is that you should should not ask someone a possibly digressing question if you don't know what the answer will be. Like don't ask someone if they are pregnant if they aren't. Or don't ask someone if their outfit is a joke. Because it might not be. And don't ask someone with a red neck if they listen to Billy Currington all day. They could just be sunburned.
Why is this important? Because I'm saving you you from an awkward situation.

*******NEW SECTION*****
Word of the day: Jim jams- jitters or nerves. Barbara had a bad case of the jim jams before her performance. Not to be confused with pajamas.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Putting the Terror in Pteradactyls

Dinosaurs may be not be important to you because they are extinct. Well, ha, youre wrong. They do exist. In the form of Terrordactyls. An exclusive club that let's regular people be dinosaurs. How fetch. Stop it Gretchen, fetch will never catch on. Oh how I love Mean Girls. Terrordactyls are cool, but they are the only cool animal human hybrids. Also known as anihumans. Not to be confused with Animagus. Because those are magical, not magically scary. And by magically I mean there is nothing magical at all about them besides how scary they are. I guess you could say these Terrordactyls terrorfy me. Terrorfy is cooler than terrify.I should name this blog "I Know What's Cool". But that would imply that the above statement us true. And it's not really.

If I Could Change One Thing....

Dobry Den readers!

That's the Czech way to start your day! I want to hear from you today! Boy I sure love exclamation points right now!
If you could change one( and ONLY one) thing about the world, what would it be? (Bonus points if you answer in Czech. Of course I wouldn't be able to read it but it would make me smile, and that is your only purpose! Muahahahaha!)If you want to know my honest answer, it would be to change the pronunciation of Tanzania. I hate saying Tan-zen-NIA. Life would be so much easier if everyone said Tan-ZAYN-nia.
Kind of like a Tazmanian Devil. Are they from Tanzania? Hopefully. Because if they aren't, I just made an illegitimate reference which destroys my blogging creducy. My reasoning: any change too major would destroy the preciously delicate balance of the life of me and the universe. Actually, it's just because that pronunciation bugs me.
Moving on, Psych. I'm not. I would actually change my rule so I could change more than one thing. Then I would delete freeways and the word hypotenuse because it stresses me out. Add the Tanzania thing and then I would have four changes off one change. Color me clever.
Ooh, or I would just make fries mandatorily served with all food. Because they are delicious. And important.

Three posts in one day. Quite a hat trick.

#toerings .....let's trend them!

Dear followers but more importantly non followers,

You know I love you all, but this next post might offend some. I offend proudly though. Currently, feathers in your hair are a huge trend. I get that they are cute and boho and relaxed, but is it worth it to anger fishermen and fly fishermen? Also, everyone has them now, including little kids. Like two year olds. That's too totty. But seriously, stop stealing tackles and rare feathers used for bait. It's kinda self-obsessed. Like this blog. Great Safari Dave!! I have a suggestion: feather earrings! Then, if they don't coordinate with your outfit, you can take them out and still have fishermen lining up at your door. That's what I call livin' large! Offending still? Good. Otherwise, your life(read:my life) would be boring. So, in replacement of feathers, I'm going to bring back toe rings. Stars, hearts, diamonds, you name it, I have it on my toes. My webbed toes. They are sahhhweet! But toe rings may seem 90's, even 80's some might say, but isn't that cool again? Yes! It's so cool. Almost too cool. Because toe rings aren't overrated. Neither are scantily clad men named Doug on get well soon cards. See, I know what's cool. Why? I'm fly. I'm a poet and I don't even know it. Just kidding, I do. Because I've unsuccessfully entered poetry contests before. But enough about me. Please please please all of YOU stop wearing feathers and wear toe rings already!!Tata!

My First Post: Snoop Dogg

Hello Few Followers,

After trying for an hour to write a post, I finally learned how to. Honestly, I have no idea why someone as technologically unadvanced as I should write a blog. Probably because I thoroughly enjoy talking about myself and usually no one wants to listen. Like who wants to listen to this: I love Snoop Dogg. Not just the "Oh, I jam to his songs" love, but the "I hope with all my heart that I can marry him" type of love. Some call that true love. The thing is, I never will meet him, so I'll just continue to talk about him. To me, that's important. Also, I don't understand why some people find it so hard to believe that an over the shoulder purse can carry: hand sanitizer, facial mister, bandaids, hair clips/rubberbands, headbands, nail clippers, nail file, nail polish, bag of lip gloss, compact mirror, mascara, gum, mints, a camera, a chunky phone, and a Tide to go stick. Actually, I do understand why people find that hard to believe. Probably because it's really impressive. So I just brought it up to brag about my packing skills. See, I think I'm interesting, how American. But are my jokes funny? To me,ohhh yes, but to others I come across as corny and unoriginal. What a hindered self view! I'll post another worthless story tomorrow.